Parenting Blog

Many parents believe that they are the greatest influence on their child’s identity, and in a perfect world, this truly is the case. However, recent studies in gender identity involving elementary school kids suggests that outside influences are playing a big role in many kids’ lives – namely, big business and advertising. Researchers had children respond to questions about gender identity and they found that media stereotypes played a large role in how kids viewed themselves.

Girls responded that they thought boys were emotionally reserved and that they weren’t allowed to talk about their feelings with their friends, while other girls readily shared their emotions. Many boys stated that they prefer female friends because it’s easier to talk openly with them. In a frightening discovery, researchers found that almost half of the nine year-old girls they interviewed admitted to having dieted or showed signs of having an eating disorder. That means that women are being influenced by unhealthy messages about body image from the time they are children.

Boys and girls are being taught that different traits are desirable for their gender. Boys are overwhelmed by media messages about competition, strength, and other attributes that characterize “manhood.” This is dangerous because too many of these messages promote violence, which probably explains why the majority of condemned criminals are men. On an even more disturbing note, aggression is often tied into messages about sexuality and romantic relationships that could breed domestic violence.

Besides increasingly unhealthy ideas about body image, girls today see women portrayed in the media as overtly sexual. These images are highly present in music videos, often times bordering on pornographic, though they also appear in magazines, commercials, ads and television shows. It’s not easy for girls to find role models. Young stars like Miley Cyrus (also known as Hannah Montana), admired by so many young people, are already concerned about body image. Fifteen year old Miley has admitted to thinking she looks “too fat” in photographs and that she wants to lose weight. The most prominent female stars aren’t talented musicians and gifted actresses, but junkies who frequent rehab clinics and plastic surgeons. Even the majority of female characters in movies play the “girlfriend” role while the male leads are portrayed with more humanity.

Many people don’t think that kids pick up on these stereotypes, but the fact is that they’re even more susceptible than the rest of us. It’s difficult enough for kids to form their own sense of identity without so many confusing messages being thrown at them about who they “should” become. Parents must teach their kids about harmful media stereotypes so they can develop the mental tools to combat them. Encourage your children to avoid watching, listening to or reading stereotypical media. Make sure that your kids are provided an environment where they can develop their innate traits, whether these traits are classified as “male” or “female,” without being made to feel inadequate by these false ideas.

Maintaining self-confidence in the face of pressures from today’s society is a challenge, so parents should begin to teach confidence to their children at an early age. Girls are especially prone to having confidence issues that lead to bigger problems such as drug use and other destructive behavior. The task of instilling confidence in your child involves more than praising their job well done; it involves setting an example for your child. It’s possible that the most positive thing you can do for your kids is to be a happy, responsible, strong, and confident individual yourself.

It’s a proven fact that little girls as young as three and four can develop body image issues if they continually observe their mother strictly dieting and expressing negative feelings about her own body. Kids (or adults) of any age should not worry about being thin or conforming to society’s increasingly disturbing ideal of beauty. Teaching your daughter that beauty is only skin-deep and it’s what’s on the inside that counts won’t sink in if she sees you stressing about your weight or looks. Make health rather than appearance a goal in your life and your children will imitate you.

Sometimes, when trying to instill confidence, a parent can take things too far. A mother who struggled with body image issues as a teenager might overcompensate with her own daughter by giving excessive compliments and praise for her beauty. The daughter in turn will stop believing her mother’s praise and become extremely conscious of her appearance. While every parent wants their child to develop a positive body image, it’s better to focus your praise on her accomplishments, personality and behavior rather than on her looks. If a child learns to love who she is, she will learn to love her body in turn.
An invaluable skill you can teach your child is the ability to laugh at herself. Understanding how to look at mistakes and failures with a light heart and a sense of humor is an ability that will help her through all of her life. If your child can feel better about the slip-ups then she will learn that shortcomings are not the end of the world. Taking failure with a grain of salt will help your child excel in school, work and beyond.

As difficult as it is to stay confident in the face of society’s stresses and standards, it’s even more difficult to learn confidence when you’re exposed to it. That’s why it’s so important that confidence building begins when your child is young, before she goes out to face the world for herself.