Parenting Blog

Many parents believe that they are the greatest influence on their child’s identity, and in a perfect world, this truly is the case. However, recent studies in gender identity involving elementary school kids suggests that outside influences are playing a big role in many kids’ lives – namely, big business and advertising. Researchers had children respond to questions about gender identity and they found that media stereotypes played a large role in how kids viewed themselves.

Girls responded that they thought boys were emotionally reserved and that they weren’t allowed to talk about their feelings with their friends, while other girls readily shared their emotions. Many boys stated that they prefer female friends because it’s easier to talk openly with them. In a frightening discovery, researchers found that almost half of the nine year-old girls they interviewed admitted to having dieted or showed signs of having an eating disorder. That means that women are being influenced by unhealthy messages about body image from the time they are children.

Boys and girls are being taught that different traits are desirable for their gender. Boys are overwhelmed by media messages about competition, strength, and other attributes that characterize “manhood.” This is dangerous because too many of these messages promote violence, which probably explains why the majority of condemned criminals are men. On an even more disturbing note, aggression is often tied into messages about sexuality and romantic relationships that could breed domestic violence.

Besides increasingly unhealthy ideas about body image, girls today see women portrayed in the media as overtly sexual. These images are highly present in music videos, often times bordering on pornographic, though they also appear in magazines, commercials, ads and television shows. It’s not easy for girls to find role models. Young stars like Miley Cyrus (also known as Hannah Montana), admired by so many young people, are already concerned about body image. Fifteen year old Miley has admitted to thinking she looks “too fat” in photographs and that she wants to lose weight. The most prominent female stars aren’t talented musicians and gifted actresses, but junkies who frequent rehab clinics and plastic surgeons. Even the majority of female characters in movies play the “girlfriend” role while the male leads are portrayed with more humanity.

Many people don’t think that kids pick up on these stereotypes, but the fact is that they’re even more susceptible than the rest of us. It’s difficult enough for kids to form their own sense of identity without so many confusing messages being thrown at them about who they “should” become. Parents must teach their kids about harmful media stereotypes so they can develop the mental tools to combat them. Encourage your children to avoid watching, listening to or reading stereotypical media. Make sure that your kids are provided an environment where they can develop their innate traits, whether these traits are classified as “male” or “female,” without being made to feel inadequate by these false ideas.

Spanking or hitting children is an age-old punishment that is under debate now more than ever. While many professionals say that reasoning with a child is more effective in the long term and less hurtful to parents and child, many parents insist that spanking is a necessary evil and not doing so only encourages bad behavior. Americans are so divided on this issue that roughly half are opposed to physical punishment and the other half support it. The fact that many of today’s parents were spanked or hit as children only complicates the issue. Most can recall the emotional pain of being hit, but many of them make peace with these sad memories by pointing out that they’ve grown up to be healthy, well-adjusted adults.

Is there any proof that physical punishment is damaging to children? There may not be a way to know for sure, but we can explore the issue by looking at Sweden. In 1979, Sweden banned physical punishment for children. Professionals who have examined the behavior of young people since the ban was passed say that behavior has actually improved and happiness has increased among Swedish youth. They also attribute the significantly lower number of violent acts that take place in Sweden (as compared to the United States) to the decrease of physical violence as a means of discipline. Children are taught that hitting is wrong, and so when parents use it as a punishment for bad behavior, it causes confusion and resentment on the child’s part. “Too many parents think that children don’t register spanking as an act of violence,” says Jesse Morgan, a graduate student of child psychology in Michigan. “They think that spanking doesn’t actually hurt the child. In reality, the physical and emotional pain of the act is all the child remembers.” Professionals today even insist that spanking and hitting teach children that violence is an acceptable form of problem-solving, citing that children who are spanked often show greater aggression than those who are not. It seems that the popularity of physical punishment that peaked around the baby-boom generation is now on the decline. “I was punished physically as a child and I still resent it,” says Morgan. “The feelings of hurt and humiliation are as strong today as ever before. It was those feelings and memories that first encouraged me to explore child psychology. I knew that something just wasn’t right.” Though it seems the momentum of the debate is on the opposing side, until a ban like that in Sweden is passed in the United States, it’s up to parents to decide for themselves.