Sibling Rivalry
April 25, 2008 – 6:06 pmFew relationships are as unique as the ones between siblings. They might be as different as night and day, but it’s tough to find someone who understands you as much as your brother or sister. Consider it: no one else was raised the way you were or shared such similar early experiences. Many siblings find that years of bickering, bullying and often physical fighting give way to a close and lasting friendship. Still, sibling rivalry is a handful for parents to cope with.
Even though siblings share genes, they are usually vastly different from each other. Some psychologists believe that our siblings influence who we become even more than our parents do. It might seem like a freakish coincidence that your two daughters are the exact opposite of each other, but it’s probably not. Siblings may adjust their behavior to compete for your attention or to create harmony within the family. A competitive child might challenge his siblings at all their favorite sports, while a more easygoing child might avoid an activity in which their sibling has excelled in order to avoid comparison or competition. A child could develop great mediation and compromising skills to compensate for his stubborn and demanding sibling.
Sibling rivalry exists for many reasons. A younger kid is bound to become jealous of his older brother’s privileges, while at the same time the older brother is resentful that your younger child has more privileges than he had at that age. When you deal with your children differently because they have unique personalities and needs, chances are your kids won’t understand and demand equality or “fairness.” The best thing to do in these situations is to trust your judgment and stick to your decisions without indulging your kids’ concerns over what is “fair.” Your children innately understand why they can’t all receive the same treatment at any given time.
Still, if your child is angry with a sibling, it’s important that you don’t dismiss his feelings or tell him to suppress them. Kids, rather than learning how to suppress anger, must learn how to deal with it in an acceptable way. Teach your children how to work out disputes with their brothers and sisters verbally to avoid an unproductive yelling or hitting match. Try to allow your kids to work out disputes among themselves whenever possible. It’s important that they learn problem solving skills, but don’t hesitate to step in if the need arises. Also, you shouldn’t compare your children. While it may be tempting during times of high frustration to ask your child “Why can’t you behave like your big sister?” remember that such comments only fuel sibling rivalry and resentment.
Tags: anger, behavior, fighting, jealousy, sibling rivalry
