Parenting Blog

Having a shy child causes lots of anxiety for parents. It’s not uncommon for parents to worry about their child’s happiness, or to fear that they have failed to teach their child proper social skills. It’s important for parents to remember that shyness in itself is part of your child’s personality, and is not necessarily a problem. Some children are naturally outgoing and engage in many social activities with their peers, while others are happiest playing on their own or with one or two other children. “My daughters are close in age, but they couldn’t be more different,” says Karen Shannahan, mother of two grown children. One of her daughters is a cheerleader, a natural leader, and has always had a large group of friends. The other daughter studies English at college, loves to read and write, and is content with one or two close companions. As a child, says Karen, her daughter refused to play with other kids. “She would not stick up for herself, and she never talked to anyone at school. I worried about her constantly.” Karen tried everything to encourage her daughter to be more social. “When she started middle school, I would tell her that she could have friends sleep over anytime on the weekends. I didn’t want her to start high school without any social skills.”

Many parents believe that shyness is a problem that needs to be fixed. Unfortunately, trying to fix the problem by bringing it up with your child often hurts rather than helps. “My daughter got very annoyed with me whenever I asked if she was making some friends,” says Karen. Shy children know they are shy, and don’t need to be reminded. Shyness can make life difficult for a child, especially in the adolescent world of middle school dances and dating. Harping on about your child’s social life only extends these problems into her home. If you are a worried parent, you can be rest assured that most shy children break out of their shell and lead perfectly healthy lives. “My daughter has a quiet nature. She is still not as outgoing as many girls her age, but she maintains close friendships and she’s been very successful in her life so far. She has a lot of happiness.” More problems come from trying to “fix” your child’s personality than from shyness itself.

Still, parents should note that shyness may be a sign of depression or a learning disability. If you are worried about your child’s happiness, you should try ruling out these possibilities. You should also know that social anxiety is a disorder that can cause emotional and physical difficulties for your child. If you are concerned, you might consider taking your child to a behavioral therapist, who will help her learn how to be assertive in social situations.

Maintaining self-confidence in the face of pressures from today’s society is a challenge, so parents should begin to teach confidence to their children at an early age. Girls are especially prone to having confidence issues that lead to bigger problems such as drug use and other destructive behavior. The task of instilling confidence in your child involves more than praising their job well done; it involves setting an example for your child. It’s possible that the most positive thing you can do for your kids is to be a happy, responsible, strong, and confident individual yourself.

It’s a proven fact that little girls as young as three and four can develop body image issues if they continually observe their mother strictly dieting and expressing negative feelings about her own body. Kids (or adults) of any age should not worry about being thin or conforming to society’s increasingly disturbing ideal of beauty. Teaching your daughter that beauty is only skin-deep and it’s what’s on the inside that counts won’t sink in if she sees you stressing about your weight or looks. Make health rather than appearance a goal in your life and your children will imitate you.

Sometimes, when trying to instill confidence, a parent can take things too far. A mother who struggled with body image issues as a teenager might overcompensate with her own daughter by giving excessive compliments and praise for her beauty. The daughter in turn will stop believing her mother’s praise and become extremely conscious of her appearance. While every parent wants their child to develop a positive body image, it’s better to focus your praise on her accomplishments, personality and behavior rather than on her looks. If a child learns to love who she is, she will learn to love her body in turn.
An invaluable skill you can teach your child is the ability to laugh at herself. Understanding how to look at mistakes and failures with a light heart and a sense of humor is an ability that will help her through all of her life. If your child can feel better about the slip-ups then she will learn that shortcomings are not the end of the world. Taking failure with a grain of salt will help your child excel in school, work and beyond.

As difficult as it is to stay confident in the face of society’s stresses and standards, it’s even more difficult to learn confidence when you’re exposed to it. That’s why it’s so important that confidence building begins when your child is young, before she goes out to face the world for herself.

Once upon a happy time, preschool was an option that was considered a bit excessive or unnecessary by parents. These days you’ll be hard pressed to find a young child who doesn’t go to preschool. Parents today, whose schooling probably didn’t begin until kindergarten, might think that our society is forcing kids to grow up too fast. Others may think that their kids will learn better at home than in a big group of rowdy three year-olds. Still, experts are insisting that preschool has undeniable benefits for your child, and here’s why.

Shy kids might benefit the most from preschool, because some of the most important lessons kids learn in preschool are social ones. Shyness is most easily overcome by early and frequent exposure to social situations, and the extra year or two of experience will be an invaluable jump-start for your shy child. Kids who aren’t shy benefit by learning to get along with their peers, which is often a challenge at their age. They practice adhering to a schedule and following rules, sharing their time and toys with unfamiliar people, and learning how to make friends.

Preschoolers today are learning more than ever before, sometimes at a first-grade level. Parents might think this puts too much pressure on their children, but remember that at their young age, kids’ brains soak up knowledge like sponges, and research has proven that the most effective learning takes place in childhood. Did you know that a child who begins learning a foreign language before the age of six actually builds connections between different regions of their brain that make it possible for them to speak different languages with ease? That’s why your preschooler seems to pick up on those Spanish words they hear on television so much more quickly than most high school kids.

Unfortunately, most schools don’t offer foreign languages until your child is fourteen or fifteen years of age. That’s what makes early learning so important – the connections your child builds in his brain will last him a lifetime.

Preschool is an increasingly popular choice for parents today because more often than not, both parents have full-time jobs. If you think that leaving your young child in a classroom all day is a bit excessive, consider this: would you rather have him watching television or playing computer games under the care of a sitter? Preschool teachers are educated in early child development and they understand how to maximize your child’s brainpower and well-being. Plus, kids have fun at preschool. It’s a valuable experience of early independence that will help them learn healthy interaction and responsibility. Yes, parents too are capable of providing their children with a quality learning environment, but for those who are considering preschool for their kids, know that it’s a healthy choice.

If you are a parent of a child with special needs, hopefully you have been able to find overwhelming support and information to help you give this child the best advantages in life. A child with special needs requires so much care, however, that if you have other children, they may feel neglected. Here are some important things you should know about how your kids cope with the situation, and how you can make life easier for everyone.

Depending on the condition of your special needs child, taking care of him or her is probably the primary focus of your family life. This is necessary and unavoidable. Your other kids understand the necessity and love their sibling very much, and they are likely very helpful when it comes to caring for their sibling. They may sound like little doctors when they talk about their brother or sister’s health and progress, but still they can’t help feeling lonely and left out. This can result in very confusing emotions, including resentment towards their sibling and you. A child who spends a majority of their free time helping care for their sibling will harbor a lot of very understandable stress. Their situation is so unique that they have no one to turn to for advice and support. It’s like being born into the role of a parent.

Of course, your child will also develop traits that will go a long way to helping them succeed. They learn how to work and put off pleasurable activities until the task is done. They develop empathy and a tolerance of difference that most children cannot comprehend. They’re often inspired toward careers in helping people with disabilities or disadvantages. They may even go on to become medical researchers, psychologists or physicians. Unfortunately, your child may also be teaching himself to ignore his own needs and emotions. They feel guilty for going to you for support, since they believe that you have enough to deal with. Your child could lose touch with his emotions completely or even develop depression.

The good news is that a little attention goes a long way. Empathizing with your child’s situation and giving him adequate alone time when he needs it, as well as sharing your time and making yourself available to talk about his activities and goals will help to fill your child’s emotional needs. Just ten or fifteen minutes of undivided attention (talking about his sibling during this time and frequent interruptions should be avoided as best as possible) will give you both a time to recharge and will remind your child that even though his sibling requires a great deal of care and attention, you have plenty of love and support to go around.

Kids whose emotional needs aren’t met when they are young often have a tough time with social interaction and responsibility later on in life. To raise an emotionally healthy child, there are certain needs that are particularly important to fulfill.

First, all children need a safe and healthy home environment. They need to know that their parents or caregivers will be there for them if any need arises. That’s why it’s important to manage your outside stress. Things like financial worries and disputes with your partner that affect your mood and can build mistrust and even fear in your child.

Your kids need your approval and acceptance. Excessive criticism leads to low self confidence, and a lack of praise or recognition leads to feelings of unworthiness. Children may grow up to become unproductive and apathetic, or they might overcompensate by working excessively and developing an unhealthy need to please others. Physical contact is important too. Whether you are giving them a hug and kiss or engaging them in a tickle fight, kids need to know that you are close and available for comfort. Another crucial method of showing your love and support for your kids is the amount of time you spend with them. Parents today lead busier lives than ever before, but kids still need you to take time out simply to enjoy each other’s company. A parent who is always too busy to spend some free time with their child sends the message that their child is less important or not as interesting as everything else in their life.

Contrary to what you might think, kids also want limits. Knowing that rules apply gives children a sense of security and direction in their lives. And it’s crucial that you not only set these rules, but you enforce them consistently. Not only does this assure your children that they are safe and being looked out for, it shows how much you care for them. Predictable rules and consequences will help your child develop an innate sense of responsibility. Young children learn morality, their concept of right and wrong, from early forms of discipline. “Problem” kids who act out frequently are usually victims of an uncaring family who fails to set limits, and by behaving badly they are searching for someone to set these limits for them.

Emotional health is essential for your children to succeed early on and to lead independent lives and hold healthy relationships as adults. When you are faced with the stresses of day to day life, sometimes the best thing you can do is to set your worries aside for a while and play a game with your child. It will go a long way toward enriching both of your lives.